Seeing as ya’ll like my blogs for the Gender Trust so much – and what with me leading such an exciting life working in The Media – I’ve decided to do me own blog! Crikey! Better than a kick in the teeth eh?
You see, it turns out I’m probably going to become famous at some point. Or, as Lady Gaga may say, (in fact, did say): “I’ve always been famous, you just didn’t know it”. Well now you know.
And where begins this quest for world domination? Well today I went for a screen test with the people who make 4Thought TV (you know, those short films with people blabbering on about themselves after Channel 4 News?) Sounds alright, but how the hell I’m ever going to blether on about myself for 5 mins, I just don’t know.
I didn’t really want to go on telly at this precise moment of my life, as I had to come off the magic pills (I’m talking oestrogen here; I’m still taking the anti-psychotics) just before Christmas and, since then, I’ve lost a whole lot of weight. Including lots from my dear, sweet, fat, and chubby girly-face-chops. For those of you who aren’t transsexual (seriously, some people aren’t?) this kind of feels like when you put a shitload of weight on, and moan on and on about what a fat lump of lard you are, when to everyone else you probably look pretty much the same. Nevertheless, I’m not looking my best, and the timing’s bad.
But you know what? I am much more – as my dear friend Michelle Bridgman tells me – than my looks. So I’m going to take this opportunity and appreciate it for the special platform it is. The slot gets an audience of around a million, apparently, so I’d like to think that at least a few people sat at home will rethink their position on transgender issues after hearing my amazing rap. Just kidding. I couldn’t give a shit who likes my rap!
Well, there we go folks, be sure to subscribe and leave comments and all that stuff unemployed people (who nevertheless manage to afford broadband) seem to do all day. Go on, validate my narcissism. I might even upload some erotic black and white pictures of myself in an intimate embrace with Naomi Campbell and Vanilla Ice shot by Stephen Meisel as a thank you.
Ooh, and one last thing – as I’m not representing the Gender Trust in this blog – I’d just like to say: fuck, piss, shit, wank, bogger and cunt. And fanny-apple juice.